Thursday, February 12, 2009

The perfect valentine

is the brand new issue of 4000 flavors! 6 spicy stories about love, sex, pedophilia, and sexual encounters with spiritual beings. Officially released tomorrow, February 13th. It will be available at the North Star Bar tomorrow night, though saturday will be a slightly more official release party and also a very special Valentine's Day Fuck Fest:

Saturday February 14th 2009 7pm
Penn's Woods
2065 E. Hagert St.
Philadelphia, PA

Space Sluts( Formerly SPORTS)
Sean (Ugh God)
José Díaz and the Niñas
Teratical
Drone Masons
Fat History Month (Boston)
Vadican Roulette
Peer Pressure (Baltimore)

*York/Dauphin stop on Market Frankford line
**Donations accepted for touring bands

Should be all kinds of fun. I'm very pleased with this issue, and somewhat surprised that I was able to put it together only two weeks after volume one's release. 

In the spirit of Valentine's day, I would like to share something from the city paper that I find very entertaining. Every week in the back of CP they publish a sort of personals page called "I Love You I Hate You." It is mostly people anonymously telling another person how they sincerely feel about them, which I find very interesting and actually very real, as far as writing about that sort of thing goes. I mean these are extremely personal things being put out in the open, to the point where what is written really no longer belongs to the person who wrote them or the person they are written for, but to anyone who happens to read it. And some of them are just straight up hilarious. I have considered submitting one or two of these in my day, but I think I could only do it if I was in a situation where other methods of communication were no longer an option. Anyway here some of the juicier ones from the past few weeks. Enjoy:

RAERAE

I miss our awesome summer together. Riding around on bikes at night. Ducking out into strange places to fuck. Sneaking you into bars. And staying up past dawn every night. I know shit is over, but i hope that we'll run into each other again sometime.

 

DO YOU KNOW

I love and hate that you know what I'm feeling before I do. I hate that you have spoiled me in such a way that I could never love another the way I love you. I love that from the very first time we made love you knew exactly where and how to touch me. I love how our bodies fit perfectly together as if you were made just for me. Bob you're forever engrained into my soul, my once in a lifetime love, my bestfriend. Love always, E.

 

LONG AGO

Yo, Chrissy from southwest Philly. Last time i was ever in love with a girl, it was you, and that was 22 years ago. i just wanted to let you know that i still remembered our not so great first date at Pizza Hut with your sister and her boyfriend (hope he's still around, he was a really nice guy). Best time of my life was that class trip to Wash. D.C. back in 1987! hope all is well with you and your family.

 

DUMB CHICK

Since, I am assuming that you can read this is to the chick that rode on the EL train with me the other day. If you are talking to someone and you are standing at the door. Stand next to him and talk, dumb bitch don't wait until you get to 30th street and wedge your dumb ass between the person you are talking to and myself where there isn't any room. Yeah I told you that I wasn't talking to you when you said you and him were having a conversation...so fuckin what! You know that I was talking about you.. Dumb ass cunt make your mind up which area you are standing before I get on..next time I will slap you!

 

GARDEN OF DECEIT

RICARDO! How could you be so stupid to take the Forbidden Fruit from the Snake of that TREE? You know she's a DECEITFUL/ CONNIVING CUNT. She's only using you as pawn in her little game to bring admissions back up at her bar & for whatever else she thinks you're worth. She's just going to toss you away again & laugh. Once you taste that fruit YOU'LL see the truth & you'll regret taking the fruit from that TREE. But by then it'll be too late, the joke will be on you & you'll have no where to go. Best of Luck to you!!!

 

A LITTLE CRUSH

The first time I talked to you we exchanged puns and metaphors and I knew I could love you. You said you liked the expression "like ships passing in the night" and at that moment I remember thinking I would do anything to avoid us becoming those ships. You crashed into my life and by doing nothing more then being your gorgeous, dorky self, made me fall in love with you. So this is message is to tell you, I think I have a little crush on you.

 

SPAM & SYRUP

I am so mabuhay happy crazy in love with you puff! Everyday with you has only proved to me how ridiculously lucky I am to have you in my life. You're so maganda that it freaks me out sometimes, those gorgeous long lashes and tiger smile! I honestly believe that we were meant to find each other after too many years of being hurt and angry. You've shown me what it is to be truly loved and for that, I can only love you more and more each day. I hope I can be your happiness until we're old and senile then we can find each other all over again! So hufflepuff, here's to OUR future together filled with ridiculous laughing, pretzeling, mini chocolates, NOT getting fat, and nymphomatic playing everywhere! I cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a poodle in my eye to love you for who you are my counterpart

 

MY STEPDAD

To My Step dad-I pushed you away all those years when all you wanted to do was become someone I needed in my life. Please know I never hated you, Maybe I was just mad as a kid that my own father couldn't be as wonderful as you. I respect and look up to you. I wish I could tell you all this but I'm an idiot. You're a great man, one in a million and if you ever had the chance you'd make the greatest dad a kid could need. Your truthful and always wanted the best for me and my mother. Thank you for everything. I regret I'll never grow up enough to tell you that I love you and that I consider you more a man than my real father could ever be.

 

FAR AWAY SMELL

I can smell you on the t-shirt I just put on. Must be your deodorant I used the other morning in your living room when you were unpacking so you could re-pack. Anyway, I'm pretty sure I'll never tell you this, so I thought I'd write it down so I don't forget how nice it is. Oh, and I hope you got that Hep-A shot before going to Thailand so you don't lose 15 lbs the hard way

 

MY MR. BIG

It wasn't until recently that I realized that you're the Mr. big to my carrie. Starting out hot & heavy then not speaking for a year. You date someone else while I'm single. and then I cheat on my boyfriend with you. I always go back to you hoping that you will love me back, But no more. maybe in 10 years you'll grow up and see what you missed.


And now, I will wrap up this post with a fictional letter written by my friend Katie Rineer:

dear allen swamp,

today was a day full of overindulgence and black coffee. the kind of day where you think too much and realize human beings are shitty, self-absorbed, lonely beings...constantly in need of satisfaction. it made me wonder why we have such cravings and, being content can come in many forms, waves, and stages. our possessions, in a way, define who we are...but who we really are should shine above such material things. material things are such a distraction, allen, they produce things..like judgement and criticism. can't we just live and completely expose ourselves? why do we give a fuck? you should experience who you really are, not some silly fabrication that you've made up in your mind. i think certain things would be figured out if we were exposed (our inner most core! our being!) we wouldn't have to go through the hassle of being so curious and crossing lines that tend to end up as mistakes...just because we don't know, because we have a feeling we should know. but i guess that's what makes things so interesting. the 'not-knowing', the part where people are in disguise with the material world. so easy to hide in a world where everybody is something (not real)(that they created)(in disguise). it makes me question alot. what is human nature? who is closest to who they are? (minus all the distraction). such instincts, the ability to look through people, to read minds and expressions, it's very possible to see through the layers. 
i can see through your layers, allen. and you are a beautiful thing. i think we should start off as being completely nude, and then move on to living in the mountains somewhere...far far away from people and this madness. i would know you and you would know me. you would shine because inside, who you really are, is some majestic and beautiful creature. sometimes when i stare at your face from across the room, you glow and radiate and i see you growing wings, giggling, and flying out the door into the night sky. you have such likable qualities. it's so easy to become absorbed in conversation with you...what a laugh, what a face, i have to say: i've been secretely in love with you for years. this may come as a suprise because this letter started as a declaration of our hidden selves, somewhat ironic i'm exposing my love to you. i'd like to invite you to my mother's annual christmas party where we can watch her become intoxicated on wine and flirt with the neighborhood men while my father slugs whiskey out of a bottle. horrid sight, but with you, it would be somewhat of a beautiful thing. meet me on the 23rd of december at the graveyard on old school lane. i'll be standing at the gate, 11 am, holding a large coffee and some flowers.

with love from me to you,

gibby c. poppley 

No comments:

Post a Comment